Sometimes a dog can become a heart dog without us even recognizing it. Grover, one of Karen Ramstead’s “Pretty Sled Dogs” went from an inauspicious start in her kennel to “one of the best lead dogs I’ve ever driven.” Karen and Grover had a connection that she can’t explain. “We were kindred spirits.” The death of 15 year-old Marcellus, Hugh Neff’s original lead dog was difficult, since Marcellus could no longer stand at the end. “These dogs become part of your soul forever,” says Neff. The loss of a working dog, a dog that happily spends time with us for miles on the trail can break our hearts. Understanding the grieving process, finding support, and knowing how to heal can help.
Travelling the Journey
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is credited as first establishing the concept that grief occurs in stages. Dr. Wallace Sife, author of The Loss of a Pet, has adapted her work to more closely describe what we experience after the death of a companion animal. The stages of shock and disbelief, anger, alienating and distancing, guilt, depression, and finally, resolution or closure are experienced in some form by everyone who has a close bond with their dog. Not everyone will experience all stages. For example, if an elderly dog is euthanized after many months of declining health and mobility, shock will most likely not fall in the range of emotions felt. Not everyone feels anger, but many of us feel guilt in one form or the other. No one moves through these stages in an orderly fashion and there is no set time for how much time you will spend in any of these stages. You might find yourself moving back and forth between them. Each circumstance and our relationship with every dog is different. It’s important not to try to rush the process and “stuff” your grief. It will reemerge, often at a most inopportune time. The pain must be felt; there is no “magic bullet.” All of us, except for those who have serious underlying psychological problems will eventually resolve the loss, learn to incorporate the memory of the deceased, and move on.
Those mushers with large kennels must find a method to cope with death or they will find themselves in a perpetual state of mourning. Sebastian Schnuelle falls into that category. With a kennel of 100 dogs, he adopts his seniors to homes where they can live out their retirement years as a house dog so is not present when they die. However, sometimes a young dog dies from illness or accident and Sebastian finds himself wondering, “Did I miss something?” The tragic death of Hugh Neff’s dog Geronimo on Eagle Summit during the 2011 Yukon Quest is “a memory that will haunt me forever” says Neff. Guilt and second guessing ourselves can take over if one isn’t careful. In this case it’s important to assess the situation and learn from it. Honoring these dogs in a special way can help. Neff dedicated his 2012 Quest to Geronimo and carried a picture of the dog with him, which he left at the top of Eagle Summit.
Euthanasia
Euthanasia can be one of the most difficult decisions we ever have to face, but it is a promise we make to our dogs – that we will not allow them to suffer, but to die with dignity, free of pain. Many who struggle with their decision to euthanize either feel that they did it too early, and “killed” their dog, or did it too late and caused the dog undue suffering. Guild is almost universal – it seems to come with the territory. Anger is another common emotion. You might find yourself angry at God for forcing you to make this most unwanted decision. Try to release your anger with and why, then put it away for a day or two. Take it out again and review it. Are you still angry? Why? Write the reasons down and put the list away again for a day. Keep doing this until your anger has dissipated.
When faced with the euthanasia of a beloved dog take into account all aspects of the situation and work with your veterinarian. Assess your dog’s quality of life daily. Is he or she still eating, drinking and enjoying life? Your quality of life must be part of the decision as well. Can you afford costly medical procedures or surgeries just to prolong the life of your dog for a few months? Finances can be tight with those large kennels. Ultimately you know your dog best and it is your decision – a decision that you will make with bravery and compassion.
Pack Dynamics
When a member of the team dies, not only are you grieving but the rest of your dogs have to reassemble as “pack minus one.” Kennel mates and siblings might have a difficult time adjusting. Recreational musher Jessica King writes of the sudden death of lead dog Rollo and sister Stocking’s reaction, “It was a horrible shock to us all, especially Stocking. It’s almost harder to see the other dogs adjust to life without their pack mate. She never plays with anyone the way she did Rollo. She had lost a very special relationship like we all did.” Pay special attention to your remaining dogs and try to give them extra attention. In some kennel fights can occur between dogs that previously coexisted together peacefully. Let your dogs figure things out under careful observation. Some have found that it helps to let the other dogs sniff the deceased, but no one is sure why. Often a close kennel mate will refuse to leave the body, so let him or her have some extra time if possible. Animals do grieve and we should acknowledge their grief and help them readjust. Also, let them help you heal. They are remarkably resilient and will most likely recover quickly. You, on the other hand will most likely struggle with your feelings and emotions during this time.
How to Heal
In my many years as a pet bereavement counselor the stories I am told never get any easier to hear. But these stories must be told and must be heard, for that is the first step towards healing. Talk about your loss and tell the story of your love and bond with your best friend.
The grief we experience after the loss of a pet can feel much the same as if a family member or close friend has died. However, the grief we feel after pet loss is not necessarily recognized or supported by society. We often hear, “He was just a dog,” or “You are lucky you have your other dog.” However, you may be experiencing crushing grief and are finding it difficult to eat, sleep, think, or otherwise function fully. What you should know is these feelings are normal and natural and it’s important to find support during this time. Support from family and friends is crucial when mourning a loss. If your friends and/or family can’t or won’t provide support for you, there are several resources for you during this difficult time. The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (www.aplb.org) has five weekly online chat rooms that are free of charge. The chat rooms are hosted by volunteers and everyone in the room has experienced loss. They have been where you are now. Support groups are helpful as are support hotlines. The APLB has a listing of these on its website as well.
It is important that you use all the resources available to you to heal from the pain of your loss and to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Mourning is hard work, so try to get enough sleep, good nutrition and exercise. Be gently and patient with yourself. We grieve as strongly as we love, and it seems those of us who have spent long, silent hours on the trail with our dogs love fiercely.
Finally, memorialize your dog in some way that is meaningful for you and will honot your friend. Write a poem, plant a tree or flower, create a scrapbook or cllage, or have a party in his or her memory. Northwest Sled Dog Association (NWSDA) has a “Rainbow Bridge” tribute at its annual awards banquet. A slide show with the images of member’s departed sled dogs is shown and mourning is done together. It’s important to acknowledge these losses and it is a simple way for your club or organization to honor the dogs that you all knew and loved. We are a ritual-driven society and these rituals are healing.
During the 2007 Iditarod, one of Karen Ramstead’s lead dogs, Snickers collapsed and died from acute hemorrhage due to gastric ulcer. In shock and bereft, Karen scratched. The outpouring of concern and compassion she received helped her decide how to honor Snickers – she started the “Snickers Fund” to help find a preventative for ulcers in working dogs. Snickers left a lasting legacy, for no sled dog has died from a bleeding ulcer in the Iditarod since. Karen spread Snicker’s ashes on the back side of Cape Nome and also under the burled arch and stops each year along the trail to quietly spend some time with her.
Few of us will get the opportunity to scatter the ashes of our companion and fiend along the Iditarod Trail or start a memorial fund, but you have probably spent time on a trail with your dog that has memories for you. Your relationship with each dog is unique, so find a way to memorialize him or her that has meaning. The highest honor we can give our dogs is to heal from the loss of each of them, a better person for having had them in our lives.